


Beloved

by kohakulovesu



Category: Loveless, Vocaloid, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Based on a Vocaloid Song, Crossover, F/M, Forbidden Love, Love Triangles, M/M, Magic Mirrors, Stealth Crossover, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-01-21 01:22:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12446352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kohakulovesu/pseuds/kohakulovesu
Summary: No one ever said it would be this hard. It's not like I want to die. I don't want to kill myself. I just want to disappear until I feel like my old self again. Back to the start. Where 'I love you' was the only beginning.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I wanna say this starts off dark, but it does get happy at the end. Loveless is mentioned in the beginning and isn't used/referenced very much. This is also based off the Vocaloid song by Rin and Len: Magic Mirror. Hope you like it!

I was once told that dreams can come true. That all we see is nothing but a dream within a dream. But what if life is a beautiful lie, and death wakes us up?

BANG. Heavy pounding pulled me from a deep sleep. My confused brain frantically tried to explain the loud noise. Slowly the grogginess began to clear. It was still dark out. The pounding echoed throughout the room as I put an ample amount of effort into sitting up.

The bright neon green of the alarm clock read 2:45 am. From outside the soft light crept through the blinds allowing the room to be more illuminated. Like a grizzly bear, my mother slept soundly beside me.

At the time, I lived in a one bedroom. I was a full time student at the community college. I only worked part time, so my mom decided to live with me to help out with bills. It worked out for the both of us since she also wanted change in her life.

She was a heavy sleeper. This time was no different.

Gingerly crawling out of bed to not wake my mother, the knocking suddenly stopped. Like a deer in headlights I froze and listened. Hopefully they left.

"Please.. y/n"

The sound was muffled like crying. It created a series of murmurs that were barely audible. I had a feeling it was my ex. Heat rose to my ears with anger. The last thing I wanted to do was speak to him. We just broke up. I tried to give him another chance, but he fucked that up too. The last thing I wanted to do was see him, much less hear him out again.

He started to pound on my door again. He yelled, begging me to open the door. I didn't want to be one of those people who woke everyone up in the middle of the night because of some personal issue. I was livid, so I opened the door.

Warmth engulfed me, as well as a throbbing in my back. My head pounded. An immense pressure weighted down on my chest making it difficult to breath. Immobile and helpless, every limb flailed, thrashing violently for any type of control over the situation. After continuous attempts, fatigue set in. I was grasping for air once again. My heart started pounding at an increasingly rapid pace. Each breath helped clear my foggy head. It wasn't enough. My eyesight began swimming in a black haze.

The cries came harder as he moved in favor of a hug. "I'm sorry... I love you..." Each word was chocked out between ugly sobs.

The idea of the worst invaded my imagination. The thoughts cascaded deeper and more grotesque with every passing second. The idea of survival became limited. The very existence of being 'normal' again was diminished. 

In through your nose, out through your mouth. Every small intake of air was like a stab at my lungs. Rationalize the situation. Clear your mind of any toxic thought and find a way out.

Forcibly pinned down, my wrists were in a death grip. His free hand pulled out a knife.

Adrenaline coursed through my body, a new found strength was enough to scream. I called out for my mother, for anyone. With the remaining energy I had left, I struggled until I became dizzy and numb.

"Keep still. Shhh.. I'll hurt you if you keep moving. I need you to keep still."

A sharp pain coursed through my head and down my spine. The pressure of the hand against my forehead easily lifted my head, with enough force it cut all five senses short. He slammed it back onto the floor. The continuous humming sound only got louder as my vision went black.

The knife glided across my skin, etching its lacerations in a deep scarlet. Warm liquid cascaded down my neck creating a pool of warmth. The agonizing pain shot through my body like wildfire. Each cry for help tore at my throat leaving it hoarse. He traced over his work a few times, it as deep as he could. When he finally finished, on my neck he carved the words BELOVED.

I laid there lifeless. I lost the will to even scream. He gently caressed my body as if it would shatter at any given time. I was too weak to even tell him to stop. He began to speak. I could hear the smile through his voice.

"It's like a collar. You are really mine. I love you y/n." His laugh was full of joy like a child at Christmas. He was genuinely pleased with himself.

That moment quickly cam crashing down. The shrill scream that cam from my mother will resound in my memory as vividly as I heard it that night. Everything happened so quickly. He was on top of me once again, but it wasn't on purpose. She hit him with so much force he was winded and dazed. He tried to collect himself. Lifting his body on shaky arms only to collapse back down. I could feel my mother trying to get my out from under him. Her nails desperately dug into my skin as she gripped my ankles.

She succeeded. Warmth began to trickle down my cheeks just knowing she was there. A new found adrenaline moved my body so I could give her a tight embrace. Just to feel the warmth of her, to hear her heartbeat so I knew she was real. I was washed over with relief that this nightmare can be escaped. The pain of my body seemed nonexistent.

A hand was on my chest and it pushed me back. My spine met with the corner of the coffee table. Shock waves of intense pain spread to every inch of my being. Barely able to lift my head, my mother's form dropped to the floor. A puddle was forming around her, so much blood came out that the carpet couldn't hold it all. My body felt numb and my heart felt like it had been stabbed. It felt like a night terror. I was forced to watch, unable to move, unable to speak.

He held me tightly, making sure I wouldn't leave his embrace.

"It's okay. She was only trying to separate us. We are meant for each other." His voice faded to the background of whispers.

We had attracted attention from the neighbors. Their curiosity beckoned them to my apartment. Gently opening the door to a scene no one was expecting. Their curiosity turned to regret in the blink of an eye.

Every part of me fell limp against him. My vision completely faded to black as all sound ceased to exist.

I was once told that dreams can come true. No one ever told me that nightmares are dreams too.


	2. Chapter 2

With a sponge, I carefully trace over the scar on my neck with concealer. Deep groves were formed, with left bundles of scar tissue that bunched over the original mark. Blending the discoloration of skin to match my pigment was the new daily challenge.

Finishing the last touches, I looked back into the mirror to double check my work. The calendar was behind me, it had been two months since the incident. There was no way of not thinking about it. The constant reminder sent me back. The vividness left me screaming in the middle of the night. Any time of day, a trigger would cause hysteria and panic. After two months, I convinced myself that it was time to move on. After two months, I learned how to hold my screams in whenever I was scared.

Light taps brought me back to the 'real' world. Like a tree branch tapping on the window by wind, the sound came again. There was no tree next to my window. I got up and gingerly walked over to the door. "Is anyone there?" I felt like I was just about to walk into a horror movie. I sat back down and decided to ignore it until it went away. In front of my body mirror again, sitting criss-cross, I turned to look at myself to double check the double check.

It wasn't me. Terrified, I froze. Hoping it was one of my hallucinations and it would go away. A young man was sitting, staring at me. His finger to the mirror: tapping. He noticed me stare and from the other side of the mirror he smiled. A bright smile revealed a pearly row of teeth. His hand fully pressed against the mirror. 

I stared back, mesmerized at the realness of him. He looked like any other person. Tattered skinny jeans and a slightly big, white t-shirt. Soft brown hair laid gently over olive skin. When he smiled, his eyes were crescents and the muscles flexed in the apples of his cheeks. Our eyes locked and the deep brown surrounded me like a veil of water, neither party looked away. He held me in a trance of both wonder and fear. His hand, still pressed against the glass, started to look paler with more pressure. I reached out where his palm laid. Hesitantly, I placed each digit on top of his followed by my palm. I noticed that behind him it was white. A never ending void.

One simple word slipped through parted lips. "Hi."

I don't know what I was expecting. A part of me hoped he would answer back. The other thought I was crazy. Then he smiled again. A soft, almost relieved smile.

"Hi."

The air stood still while a plethora of emotions raced through me. What do you say to a reflection that isn't your own?

"It worked." He spoke to himself out loud as he began to inch closer to the mirror. His face was so close his breath fogged the mirror a little.

"Uh yes. H-how?" Nothing coherent could come out. There were many questions, so I ended up staring at him in hoped he was a mind reader and would answer whatever he could make out.

"My name is Jung Hoseok. What's yours?"

"I'm Y/N."

"That's so pretty. Can I call you by your first name?"

"Yeah, then I can call you by yours too, right?"

He smiled big and nodded cheerfully. His smile never left as he swayed back and forth staring at me. It was contagious. I felt myself smiling back for no apparent reason. His smile was like a warm hug filled with sunshine. 

The warmth quickly faded as his face turned more serious. "What is responsible for your sadness?"

There was no easy response. Dumbfounded, I stared at him wondering what to say.

The soft voice startled me. I didn't hear her open the door. A gentle smile. Thick, long black hair. An oval face. My sister stood at the frame of the door staring at me. I still had my hand on the mirror. Looking at her in confusion, the same way anyone does when forced awake, my words were barely audible.

"What are you doing?"

As if alive for the first time, my voice found its way back. "I-I'm getting ready." My hand quickly came off the mirror and laid in my lap. I looked back towards the mirror but he was gone. My reflection was back. I looked down at my open palm and stared at it for a while.

"We are leaving now, are you coming along?"

Coming along? The question rattled my brain for some sort of explanation. Was there something I was doing before? Then thoughts of makeup and school flooded my mind. Today was my first day back.

The idea of having to socialize made me feel uneasy. The vast amount of people simply being there made me want to hide out in my room until they were gone. I never liked saying 'hi' to people. I would always have my earphones in so they knew not to speak to me. I couldn't imagine how today would go. With my scar, all eyes would feel like they're on me. I don't even know if people at school heard about the accident. If they want to console me or talk about it...

"You don't have to go back right away. Maybe it's best if you stay home for a little while longer." Worry spread across her face, twisting her gentle features.

"I'm okay. I just need to put my shoes on." I followed her out the door. Glancing back I wanted to see him in hopes of confirming what just happened. Unfortunately, there was nothing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't posted in a while, life got in the way~~

I could drown in this air, suffocate in the caffeinated crisp mornings. People move past, as trapped in their own heads as I am in mine. College students keep to themselves, head down and headphones in. Some are in pairs as they quietly chat, complaining about the mornings and school work. I could be at home or else invisible, but I am neither. I'm right here, walking on stained marble tile that once held a bright future.

Busying myself on my phone, I looked at the time: 7:30am. A half an hour to kill. I didn't expect to get here so early. I glanced around me looking for a suitable place to relax, someplace quiet with less traffic. The library is always a nice place to hide out, so I'll head there.

Passing by some computers, a small figure lay on the floor lifeless. A black hoodie covered their face as their head laid on top of a book bag. 'It would be nice to be able to sleep anywhere,' the thought quickly passed as I found a corner of the library untouched.

The windows stretched from the ceiling to the floor, showing a peaceful desert. The mountains in the back reached towards the soft sky as clouds swam through the gentle breeze. They were more beautiful than I remember. 

My thoughts died down as I was left mesmerized by what was outside. I barely felt the pair of arms wrap around me. With little force, our bodies both went forward.

An old friend. Broad shoulders held me close as short chestnut hair tickled my cheeks and pretty plump lips smiled at me: Jin! Genuinely glad to see him, I wrapped my harms around his grey turtleneck.

"Hey, how are you? I wasn't expecting to see you here. What classes are you taking?" My questions can quick with excitement. I almost didn't want to pull away from him.

"I should be asking you that, you haven't spoken to me in a while. Well, I'm glad I caught you. I came here with Namjoon, he went to grab one of his friends."

"Namjoon?.. Is he the one you..?" My voice trailed off as he grinned and nodded a little too fast. 

"We are now officially dating! He asked me out about a month ago." His eyes clouded over like he was about to spit some word vomit about his new found love. 

"That's so exciting, I haven't seen him in forever!"

"Come hangout with us, we have a while before class anyway."

"But aren't you going to hangout with someone else?"

"Soo? He brings a friend and I bring one. This was no one will feel all third wheelie, if that does happen."

Without having to say yes, he dragged me to a larger table across the room. Two guys sat across from one another, one I recognized as Namjoon and the other had blonde hair but I couldn't see his face. Namjoon waved us over. His black sweater was riding up his torso to reveal a white t-shirt underneath.

"Look who I found!" Jin proudly announced as he took his own seat.

"Hi guys," I took my seat and turned towards their friend. "I'm y/n." I waved unsure if he wanted to shake my hand or simply say Hi.

"Hi, I'm Yoongi," he smiled sleepily as he did the same gesture as I.

Looking closer, his hair was dyed and his roots were showing a little underneath the mess. His skin was pale against the black attire: black, ripped skinny jeans, shirt and jacket. His clothes reminded me of the person I saw sleeping on their bag.

"Ugh I have my management class coming up. The professor is so monotone I can't stand it especially first thing in the morning." Jin started to complain as he took out some food from his bag. "Want some?" His fingers wrapped around a bag of choco biscuits.

"Yes! I haven't had those in awhile." A biscuit that had chocolate inside of them, who could pass that up?

Jin waved towards the other guys who took some as well. He left them in the middle of the table. 

"I also have Pepero, ginger crackers and sweet cakes." He smiles proudly as Namjoon looks at him fondly.

I couldn't help but giggle. I've known Jin since elementary school before he moved to the all boys middle school. For as long as I've known him he has always carried food with him even when he wasn't supposed to. It brought comfort to me, my friend was still the same after so long.

"Wait you said business management right? With Professor Messer?" Yoongi's words were thoughtful as he spoke. When he finished, he took a bite of the choco biscuit.

"yeah that's him." Anyone could tell how much Jin disliked the Professor by his voice.

"Are you in the morning class?"

"Yeah, I think it's his first class of the day."

"I'm in the same class as you." Yoongi spoke as if it wasn't a big deal.

Jin's eyes grew larger, "really?! This whole time I didn't realize you were in there. We've known each other for how long? Why didn't you say anything either?"

"How did you not notice him?" Namjoon chimed in. 

"I-I don't really know." Jin was thinking about it while chewing on one of the snacks.

"Oh crap!" Namjoon suddenly stood, pounding the palms of his hands on top of the desk.

I jolted backwards nearly falling out of my chair in reflex. I looked around at the confused faces, a deep blush spread like wildfire across my face. I tried to spit out any excuse to explain but all that came out were babbles.

Jin quickly stood up and draped his jacket on top of my head. Without saying a word he lead me away from the two boys. "Are you okay? I'm sorry I just didn't wanna bring anything up in front of the guys. They don't know, I haven't told Joonie either..." His voice trailed off as he searched my face for help.

Jin's eyes fell behind me, as I followed them Namjoon was almost behind me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to act so recklessly." His voice trailed off. His eyes looked upon me curiously and with worry. I was desperately trying to calm my racing heart. It pounded like heavy drums. For the first time I realized Jin was holding me. The sound of his heart beat was calm. He continued to hug me as I copied the rise and fall of his chest.

"I-I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to get so upset." My head turned slightly away from the comfort of my friend. I let a slight smile escape as I felt relief wash over me.

"No, It was my fault. You don't have to apologize for anything, honestly. I shouldn't have acted so crazy." His eyes were somberly staring at the floor like he was in trouble.

I knew there wasn't anything I could say that would make him feel any better. It honestly wasn't his fault I got so scared, it was just something that happened.

"It's okay honestly." The next best thing was to agree.

"No No I shouldn't have been so violent, its a library after all." He looked at his hands trying to form the right words.

"You couldn't have known it would startle me that badly, there was no way of knowing. I just wasn't expecting it. It's fine." I looked at him and smiled. I was okay, he just needed to see that.

"I feel really bad, are you sure?" He nibbled on his bottom lip, which showed a little bit of dimple.

"I promise."

Our eyes locked, he didn't seem too convinced but would rather agree than argue more about the subject.

"I do have class though. I should probably head over now."

We all walked over to the table in silence. I don't think any of us knew what to say.

"It was nice meeting you. I have class now so I'll talk to you all later." Jin and I hugged before I gathered my things and waved goodbye to the others.


End file.
